My head is spinning, and not in a good way

Okay. Remember last October when I wrote about seeing an oral surgeon (Dr. C)? About a month after that I thought, hey why not see another oral surgeon to get a 2nd opinion, and I called and asked to be notified when Dr. P (another OS) had an opening for a consult. They didn't call, so I called back last month to remind them. Then they made me and appointment to see Dr. P on Jan. 29 (Monday). Okay. Groovy.

Then Dr. C's office calls me today to give me a surgery date! March 2! First of all, I wasn't aware that I decided Dr. C would be my surgeon. Nothing against him, I liked him just fine, but I wanted that 2nd opinion. But all along Dr. C's team had been setting up these dates for me for final consult, physical, pre-admittance to the hospital, etc, etc. I told the lady who called that I wasn't sure I'd be going with Dr. C. She said okay and then asked who else I was seeing. I said Dr. P, and she said she knew he was very booked up. I said, really? Then I just told her to book me in anyway, even though I still plan to see Dr. P on Monday. I'll find out for myself how booked up he is, and when I can possibly expect surgery if I were to go with him.

Don't get me wrong. I DO want the surgery on March 2. I want to get it over with. I just want to be 100%, completely, and utterly SURE I want Dr. C to do my surgery.

What's worse is that I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM GETTING DONE! When I saw Dr. C a few months ago, he told me I might not have to have my lower jaw moved. Well, when will I find out??

I see Dr. J, my OD, tomorrow (my appt was pushed off last week). I am going to tell him, "Look, things are happening really fast and I'm not sure what's going on. I don't know what will be done to my jaws. I thought I could see more than one surgeon before getting a surgery date." And so on. I knew for a while that my surgery might be in March, but it snuck up really quick and I feel like I'm going into it blindly. I hate that feeling. I'm the type of person that has to know EVERYTHING so I can educate myself and be prepared. It's my skull, it's my face, and it's my bones. I should know exactly how they're going to be rearranged, correct? Correct.

When I looked at that surgery date written on piece of paper, I started to seriously freak out. It's really real now.